1) Nobody is impressed by your gas-guzzling, road-hogging SUV. If you can handle the payment, fine. But if you can't handle the vehicle, TRADE IT IN ON ONE YOU CAN DRIVE.
2) If you don't know what lane you need to be in, read the road signs. If you miss your exit, THERE'S ANOTHER UP THE ROAD.
3) Arm bent at the elbow, hand pointing up = right turn; arm extended straight out = left turn; arm bent at the elbow, hand pointing down = stop/slow down; all other hand gestures = GET OFF MY TAIL!
4) If you can see the look on my face in my rearview mirror, that's my YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEND MY KIDS TO COLLEGE expression.
5) HANG UP AND DRIVE.