1) Nobody is impressed by your gas-guzzling, road-hogging SUV. If you can handle the payment, fine. But if you can't handle the vehicle, TRADE IT IN ON ONE YOU CAN DRIVE.
2) If you don't know what lane you need to be in, read the road signs. If you miss your exit, THERE'S ANOTHER UP THE ROAD.
3) Arm bent at the elbow, hand pointing up = right turn; arm extended straight out = left turn; arm bent at the elbow, hand pointing down = stop/slow down; all other hand gestures = GET OFF MY TAIL!
4) If you can see the look on my face in my rearview mirror, that's my YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEND MY KIDS TO COLLEGE expression.
5) HANG UP AND DRIVE.
15 comments:
Forgot one: Those pretty little red lights on the rear of my car are called BRAKE LIGHTS. They're not nearly as tasty as they look, so I'd suggest you seriously reconsider eating them.
I have to say I'm pretty impressed with my own gas-guzzling SUV! I LOVE IT!!! I don't think it takes up any more road space (air space maybe, not road though), than say uh....Ford Taurus or something like that!
>; D
Now what I do take offense to, are people that will drive 10 or 20 miles with their turn signal just a flasin' away. OFF ON OFF ON OFF ON OFF ON
I don't care for people that drive 35 mph in a 55 mph zone, or drive over 20 mph thru a school zone (consequently 20 mph is still fast enough to kill a little kid if you hit them).
I don't much care for the ladies (or gents as the case maybe if you're headed into Elkview) who put their make-up on while they drive, if your skin is that bad that you have to paste and spackle every 2 or 3 miles then a trip to the dermotologist might merit consideration.
Now I've seen a lot of new cars out on the road lately and it seems as though a good deal of them don't seem to have turn signals in them. Though the lighted mirrors and adjustable running boards sure seem handy; but not when it comes to letting me know when you are gonna turn.
I don't really care for people on my tail either. My thought always is, "If you're in such a damn hurry, remember to leave earlier next time!"
Meanwhile, if I ever do trade my gas guzzler in, I plan to trade it in for a bigger rig so I can haul my best friend and her young'ns around, along with my own, so she doesn't have to endure the tortures of driving on the open road!!!!
Lvoe ya RC!
CB
To the driver of the SUV tailgating Rose:
Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly!
Pfffft, CB. >;} The key to that was "If you can't handle it" ... which wouldn't apply to you & your little peewee SUV, Ms. Knievel. Might I suggest a Ford Windstar next time?? teeheehee You'd lvoe it & I'd lvoe you even more for buying one. I might even forgive that CRX thing ... LOL
Let me quantify my rantings. If you're a 5'3" female & you have to climb up on the running board on your knees & pull yourself up with the steering wheel just to hoist yourself into your mammoth vehicle, expect to have difficulties seeing over the hood. If you lack the depth perception & manueverability to back the sucker up, BUY A CHEVETTE.
COMPACT CARS ONLY does NOT apply to Navigators, pickup trucks, Crown Vics, etc.
Some people (like those who have driven in REAL traffic like 295) have the experience to not only apply makeup, but also to smoke AND change the radio station.
Have you ever tried to get on the interstate from Pennsylvania Avenue? I'd guess 3 out of 4 people are in the wrong lane & wait till the very last minute to try to swerve into the proper one. Once you're on the on ramp, try getting over into the lane that will take you toward Elkview rather than Kanawha City.
Once you're on the interstate, the speed limit is 60 until you reach the split. If I'm doing 65 & you feel I'm sitting still, PASS ME. Once you're past me, DO NOT SLOW DOWN. If you're in such an all-fired hurry, "punch it, Margaret." I'll toot my horn as I pass you, pulled over by the cop who's always sitting just around the corner.
& yes, thank you for asking, I had a bad day. LOL
Hey!!!! My "rig" ain't no peewee!! Well, it is if there are only "COMPACT" spaces available. >; D And it fits alot better than the Cadillacs and Chryslers I see squeezing into them!
They don't make the Windstars anymore you know. You can get a Freestar or Freestyle. But I'm eyeing up one of the Explorers with the three seat option! I took a shine to the Toyota Highlander also, but I think I'll keep it local, so my favorite neighborhood mechanic can work on it more easily!! : D
LOL!! There are certain people who are very well adept to apply cosmetics while driving, I happen to know one or two. However, the young lady in the red Nissan that seems to ALWAYS be in front of me on the way to work, isn't one of them! I'm gonna spray paint her face one day so she doesn't have to worry about make up!
Did I tell you about the time I saw a taxi driver playing the guitar while he was driving? That was in DC of course!
Hope your day's better! I'm drinking an extra cold one just for you!!! :D
P.S. You haven't forgiven me for the CRX thing yet????? {: O
CB
Hows talking on a cell phone any diffrent then having a regalur discussion on the car??
LOL I so loved that CRX. I must say, though, I'd have gotten tired of it about as soon as ... the original CRX owner (remember him? LOL)got tired of ME. LOLOL I've always loved living vicariously through you, ya know.
There's a reason they don't make Windstars. The same reason they no longer make Yugos, I'd say.
Was the guitar playing taxi driver playing "Oh, My Ali-Suzanna-Muhammad" ??? LOL
OMG! We stared in disbelief at him and almost wrecked. And I know he would have pulled over and looked at our wrecked car and waved his guitar over his head and shouted at us as if we had inconvenienced him, "You zee...I can drive...I'm not citizen, but I can drive and play guitar at same time. You Americans!! You do nuzeen right! You cannot even drive! You not doing nothing else. You just drive and wreck zee car while I drive and play zee guitar at same time and not wreck zee car."
Luckily we didn't wreck zee car.
CB
American crazy people. Why you even drive? Why you no call zee taxi? I have fambly to be feeding. You zink deez music lessons are being free? How I be big star if you not be calling zee taxi? Why you no wreck you ugly car? Then I can be suing you. Why you only be having one shoe on?
Okay that's not funny. Who are you and how do you know I drive with only one shoe on. Now I'm freakin' scared.
CB
Good morning! Was trying to stay off of here until my little *attitude* adjusted itself. Don't think that's going to happen today. teeheehee
Yesterday, I was sitting at a stop light & this guy next to me had his windows down. His music was so loud, I could hear it through my closed windows, yet he was still yelling into his cell phone. When the light turned green, he was still yelling & bopping his head & managed to cut off 3 people while trying to figure out where the heck he was going. Call me old & cantankerous (if you must), but that kind of thing tends to irritate me.
I'd like to see a National Day of Retro Technology - one full day without cell phones, IPods, Blackberries, personal computers, etc. Honestly, how many people out there don't have any of those little techno toys, yet manage to muddle through life just fine? Conversely, how many of those conversations that take place while you're behind the wheel are critical?
Yeah, if it was up to me, we'd probably all be stuck in 1975 & doing just fine, with our 8-tracks & partylines. LOL
how's about those people with a health problem of some kind that causes them to pass out without warning, yet they are still driving everyday? I would hope that if it were me, I would have sense enough to know not to be driving.
Hey, I own a couple of SUV's. Gas guzzlers indeed.But, I have perfected applying make-up while driving, breast-feeding a child, changing a diaper, assisting another with homework, planning dinner, singing along with the radio, making a grocery list being mindful not to forget the Crown Royal, planning revenge against my neighbor who insists on letting his dog shit in my yard, filing my nails, contemplating what I'll wear to work tomorrow, peeling a banana, sipping my coffee all the while I'm smoking a cigarette but I under NO CIRCUMSTANCES use a cell phone while doing any of the above mentioned things. So, I know for sure that it was not me that you're upset with.
Knowing what a Stephen King fan Rose is (was?), I will mention that he has a new book out called "Cell" where the cell phone users turn into some sort of ghoulish things of course.
...and I don't want to catch anyone reading it while they're driving!!!!
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